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Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn
Two people have a problem with each other. That is nothing unusual. Where people work together, tension arises. What is often underestimated is this: a conflict rarely stays where it starts. It spreads quietly, but noticeably.
At first, it is subtle. A meeting suddenly feels different. Statements become more cautious or more sharp. More is happening between the lines than in what is actually said. And you are right in the middle of it. Not involved, but not untouched either.
At some point, the moment comes when things tip. You are being addressed. Asked for your assessment. Whether you have perceived it the same way. These are seemingly harmless questions, and at the same time they turn you into something you never intended to become: part of the conflict. You listen. You try to understand. You want to remain fair. And that is exactly where the challenge begins. Because neutrality works better in theory than in practice. In tense situations, it is rarely perceived as a strength more often as a lack of clarity. And suddenly you find yourself in a role you did not choose: not clear enough for either side, and increasingly exhausting for yourself.
You begin to adapt. You choose your words more carefully. You think longer before speaking. Not because it reflects your natural way of being, but because the situation demands it. The system shifts and you shift with it. And then the working day ends, but the topic remains. You take it home with you. You think about it, replay conversations in your mind, try to make sense of what is actually happening. Even though it was never your task, you remain mentally involved. This is where the dilemma lies: you cannot solve the conflict, because it is not yours. And yet you have become part of it. Not consciously, not actively but undeniably. Creating distance from this is harder than it sounds. Because it means not meeting expectations. Not taking a clear position, even when it is demanded. Holding tension without resolving it. And that goes against what many have learned in professional contexts: contribute, clarify, mediate.
Perhaps this is exactly the key point. Not every conflict requires your involvement. And not every tension calls for your solution. Sometimes, the most professional stance is to consciously not engage. Clearly, calmly, and without justification. At first, this feels unfamiliar for others, and often for yourself. But it creates something that is missing in many working environments: a clear internal boundary. Conflicts arise between people, but they affect entire systems. The question is not whether you feel this. The question is whether you make it your issue.