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Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn

 

Sometimes people enter our lives or join our teams, and we immediately sense that collaboration will be challenging. Different values, different communication styles, opposing expectations. In HR, we call it a “conflict-laden situation.” In real life, we simply call it exhausting.

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Recently, I had the opportunity to facilitate a mediation that reflected exactly this dynamic. Two colleagues sat across from each other both committed, both convinced that their perspective was the right one. The room felt heavy with unspoken words. Every glance, every pause seemed to mark an invisible boundary.

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One person, let’s call her Anna was thoughtful, reflective, and focused on building connection. Michaela, on the other hand, appeared direct, sometimes sharp, and highly factual. Her way of approaching conflict reflected her own values: straightforward, uncompromising, leaving little room for emotion.

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Hour after hour passed. Bridges were attempted, arguments exchanged, perspectives explained. Yet the more Anna tried, the clearer it became: some things cannot be changed. The way Michaela reacted and communicated simply did not align with Anna’s own understanding of respect.

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At the end of the session, Anna leaned back, took a deep breath, and said: “I know I will never truly be able to deal with the way Michaela reacts and communicates. It does not match my own values of respect. But I accept that this is how it is.”

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There was something liberating about these words. Not because the conflict had been resolved, but because a different kind of clarity had emerged: acceptance.

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When we try to change what is unchangeable, we waste energy. Acceptance allows us to redirect our efforts toward areas we can actually influence collaboration, processes, and our own way of managing stress.