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Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn
There are moments in our professional lives that stay with us for a long time. Not because they were particularly dramatic, but because they touched something deep within us. Some time ago, I was asked to facilitate a workplace mediation. At first, the situation seemed straightforward: two colleagues had reached a point where they could no longer work well together. The relationship had deteriorated, communication had broken down, and mediation appeared to be the right next step.
However, the deeper I became involved, the clearer it became that the decision had already been made. The company had already decided that the employee labelled as the "difficult" person would be dismissed. The mediation was never intended to create understanding or find a solution. It was little more than a procedural exercise, a way to demonstrate that every possible step had been taken. I remember sitting there asking myself: What am I actually doing here?
Of course, I could have simply declined the assignment. No one would have blamed me. Yet the uncomfortable feeling remained. To me, mediation is about creating a genuine opportunity for people to reconnect, to listen to one another, and to search for solutions together. When the outcome has already been decided, the process loses its purpose. And I lose a small part of what I stand for as a mediator. I completed the assignment. But the feeling stayed. Not because of the mediation itself. But because it reminded me how often we find ourselves in situations at work that conflict with our personal values.
Perhaps we are expected to defend a decision we do not truly support. Perhaps we are asked to promise a client something we know cannot realistically be delivered. Perhaps we stay silent about behaviour we know should be addressed. Or perhaps we simply accept tasks that, deep down, feel fundamentally wrong. Most of us are not confronted with major ethical dilemmas every day. Far more often, it is the small moments that matter. The joke we laugh at even though it crosses a line. The email we send despite knowing it doesn't feel right. The silence we choose in a meeting even though something inside us says we should speak up. These seemingly insignificant decisions accumulate over weeks, months, and years.
One isolated incident is rarely the problem. But what happens when the exception becomes the pattern? Our values are much more than words like respect, fairness, or integrity. They shape our identity. They answer the question: Who am I, and how do I want to show up in the world? They are our internal compass.
Every time we make a decision, that compass responds. Sometimes loudly. More often quietly. As a feeling in the pit of our stomach. As inner restlessness. As doubt. Many of us try to suppress these signals. "That's just part of the job." "That's how business works." "I simply have to stay professional." That may work for a while. But our inner selves rarely forget. Each time we repeatedly act against what we believe is right, something inside us slowly begins to erode. Not overnight. Not dramatically. But gradually.
We drift away from the person we truly want to be. At first, we may hardly notice. Perhaps we sleep a little less well. Perhaps work no longer brings the same sense of purpose. Perhaps we become more cynical, more impatient, or emotionally withdrawn. One day we may realise that although we still show up at work every morning, internally we resigned a long time ago. As a mediator, I often work with conflicts between people. Just as often, however, I encounter another kind of conflict. The conflict between a person and their own values. It is largely invisible to others. You won't find it in an organisational chart or a job description. Yet it is often one of the most exhausting conflicts a person can experience. Because we can pretend for quite some time in front of others. It is much harder to pretend to ourselves.
People often describe this as stress, overload, or a lack of motivation. Those explanations may be true. But I often wonder whether something deeper lies beneath them. The exhaustion that develops when we spend too long living against our own inner compass. Does that mean we should resign every time we disagree with something? No! Working life inevitably involves compromise. That is part of being a professional. But compromise is not the same as betraying ourselves. That is why it is worth asking ourselves, again and again: Why does this situation feel wrong to me? Which of my values is being challenged? Can I raise my concerns? What options do I have? And if I cannot change the situation, how long am I willing to pay this price? Because ultimately, that is what it is. A price. Not every decision that conflicts with our values will make us ill. But every one of them leaves a mark. If we spend months or years repeatedly acting against what matters most to us, we risk losing touch with ourselves.
This may show up as exhaustion, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, or physical symptoms. Some people eventually experience burnout or depression. Others continue functioning until one day they simply cannot anymore. And even when they manage to step away, the journey back often takes time.
Some regain their strength. Others never fully do. That is why I hope we start talking about values long before people become seriously unwell. When that first uncomfortable feeling appears. When we begin explaining away something that we know is not right. When our internal compass quietly sounds its first warning. Our values are not a luxury. They are not something we can afford only when circumstances are easy. They are the foundation of our identity, our decisions, and ultimately our wellbeing. Perhaps, then, the most important question is not: How do I find my way back to myself? But rather: How do I recognise that I am beginning to lose myself? I believe all of us have experienced moments like these. The real question is only this: How long are we willing to ignore them?