BLOG

Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn

 

"That won’t help anyway." – "I don’t want to argue." – "It’ll work itself out." Sound familiar? These phrases seem harmless, even reasonable. But often, they’re not signs of true peacefulness – they’re signs of fear: fear of rejection, fear of clarity, fear of responsibility. Conflict avoidance is common, especially in the workplace. It disguises itself as harmony, team spirit, or "professional behavior." But in truth, it’s a ticking time bomb.

 

Because avoiding conflict doesn’t solve it. Silence doesn't equal consent – it just stores tension. And those who constantly "function" eventually burn out, withdraw, or explode. What looks like harmony is often just stagnation. A false peace. A shiny surface beneath which things are already boiling. The result? Employees feel overlooked. Roles stay unclear. Frustration quietly builds. Performance drops. Communication turns passive-aggressive. And company culture slowly poisons itself. The conflict doesn’t go away – it grows. And when it finally surfaces, it’s more expensive and more damaging.

 

But conflicts themselves aren’t the problem. They’re normal. Healthy. Necessary. They show that people care, think, feel, disagree. That there’s movement – and with it, the potential for energy and change. The real issue isn’t the conflict, but how we deal with it. Avoiding conflict is the easier short-term path – but it’s a long-term trap. Decisions are delayed. Mistakes go unaddressed. Growth is blocked. People pull back. Leadership becomes a facade. Conflict avoidance is leadership in disguise – but without courage.

 

What we really need is the courage to confront. Clear communication. Honest conversations. And leaders who allow and support conflict as part of a living, evolving team. Every unspoken conflict is a risk. But every addressed conflict is a chance – for change, for growth, for connection. Believing that silence secures peace is a dangerous illusion. Avoidance is a quiet saboteur. It paralyses teams, undermines trust, and prevents real progress.

So say what needs to be said. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially then. Because no conflict is also a conflict.

 

But – and this also needs to be said – do we really need to address everything all the time? Do we have to talk through every tension, analyse every disagreement, dissect every awkward silence? Isn’t it sometimes wiser to just let things go? Not every problem demands an immediate solution. Some things really do resolve themselves – with time, distance, or a shift in perspective.

 

Not every conflict is ready to be addressed. Sometimes it’s wiser to leave things as they are, let emotions settle, let thoughts mature. Grass doesn’t grow faster when you pull on it – and neither do relationships when you push too hard. In a healthy team, friction is allowed – it doesn’t always need a meeting. Tension isn’t always a symptom. Sometimes it’s just a sign of difference. And difference doesn’t always need to be solved – sometimes it simply needs to be respected.

 

There’s also a danger in over-focusing on conflict: we start to problematise everything. We treat every discomfort as a diagnosis. We forget that human relationships are dynamic, imperfect, and not always meant to be dissected. Not every issue needs to be turned into a workshop. Sometimes maturity lies in letting a conflict rest – trusting that time, reflection, or context will shift things naturally.

 

Of course, this too comes with risks. Some issues won’t disappear. But not every pot needs to be stirred. Sometimes it’s enough that the lid is loose. And sometimes, real strength lies in stepping back – not out of fear, but from calm conviction. And.. as always, the truth lies somewhere in between. Avoiding conflict entirely is dangerous – but overprocessing every tension can be equally harmful. What’s needed is sensitivity. Timing. Self-awareness. And the ability to discern when to speak up, when to wait, and when to let go. Being conflict-competent doesn’t mean you talk about everything – it means you know when, how, and with whom. And sometimes, you also know when not to. The key difference is this: Are you staying silent out of fear – or out of a conscious choice? Because only those who have the choice are truly free to act.