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Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn
He stands in the hallway. The door to the meeting room closes quietly behind him. The conversation just now was calm, rational, goal oriented. No raised voices, no visible disagreement, no drama. And yet, something inside him is unsettled. There’s a tightness in his throat, pressure on his chest, his vision blurs. His colleague didn’t openly criticize him – and still, something struck a nerve. Again. He keeps walking, but internally, he’s frozen. Everything contracts. And most people would likely say, “It was nothing.” But that’s not true.
Conflict doesn't begin when it gets loud. Conflict is often misunderstood. We tend to associate it with raised voices, visible tension, or open disagreement. But conflict can also be quiet. Subtle. Invisible. And it often starts much earlier actually inside ourselves. An inner conflict emerges when opposing parts of us pull in different directions: Responsibility vs. personal needs. Social roles vs. authenticity. Adaptation vs. integrity. These tensions are rarely visible on the surface, but they are powerful. They generate pressure, drain energy, shift our perspective, both on how we see others and how we act ourselves.
What begins internally rarely stays there. Sooner or later, inner conflict shows up in conversations, in body language, in seemingly minor reactions that even we can’t fully explain. We become irritable, even though the tone remains professional. We withdraw, even though nothing has been said. We overreact, even though the trigger seems insignificant. But in most cases, the trigger isn’t the real issue. It’s simply the final drop, the one that overflows an already full inner container.
It becomes particularly challenging when that inner pressure spills over into our interactions with others and they have no way of understanding where it comes from.
Because nothing was said. Because what we carry inside shows only in subtle cues: a comment, a gesture, a silence. At that point, internal tension becomes external conflict. Not suddenly. Not dramatically. But gradually. And…confusingly. The other person wonders, “What just happened?” And we might not even be able to explain it ourselves. The conflict is present – but no longer where it originated. It has shifted into relationships, teams, and organizational dynamics.
In many workplaces, we talk about collaboration, communication, leadership, tools, and processes. But rarely about what comes before all of that: The inner experiences of people. The inner contradictions. The personal dilemmas they carry with them, very often silently. That’s where the real risk lies. When inner conflicts are overlooked, misunderstandings follow. When they are repeatedly dismissed, tensions build. When they persist, they can lead to disengagement, burnout – even illness. A conflict that is not acknowledged doesn’t go away. It simply takes on a different form.
So, what can we do? We must create space. Space for reflection, not just reaction. For noticing what happens inside, before it plays out on the outside. The most important questions don’t arise in formal meetings, they come much earlier: Where am I feeling a sense of internal contradiction? Which needs or values are in conflict right now? What role am I fulfilling – and does it still align with who I am?
Leaders, teams, and organizations benefit when people are encouraged to connect with their inner state and when conversations go beyond behavior and consider what lies beneath: Insecurity, loyalty conflicts, pressure, or uncertainty. Because only what becomes visible can be understood. And only what is understood can be resolved.
A final thought: Conflict begins within and shapes everything around us. Conflict is not always interpersonal. Very often, it is intrapersonal. It starts within and gradually finds its way into how we communicate, collaborate, and lead. Those who are willing to look inward first often discover: The tension, the disagreement, the misunderstanding wasn’t just a clash between two people. It was the echo of an unresolved internal conflict trying to find a voice. And those who recognize this can begin to shift things. Not by speaking louder, but by listening more deeply. Not by reacting outwardly, but by reconnecting inwardly.