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Written by Nicole Renggli, Owner of younique hr consulting | Nicole Renggli | LinkedIn
She sits in the meeting. In front of her, the supervisor; calm, friendly, composed. No arguments, no accusations, no red faces. On paper, it’s a normal conversation. But inside her, an alarm is blaring. Heart racing. Chest tight. Sweat on her palms. She nods, smiles, takes notes. No one notices what’s happening. She does. Her body does, too.
Many wouldn’t call this a conflict. “It’s just stress,” “You’re imagining it.” But that’s wrong and dangerous. Conflict doesn’t start only when voices are raised. It begins much earlier, much quieter, often invisible.
A conflict arises when people’s expectations, values, goals, or actions no longer align. When contradictions appear. When needs encounter barriers. It can be loud, but it doesn’t have to be. It can start quietly, first only within a single person.
That is exactly what a subjective conflict is: It exists when at least one party experiences tension, pressure, or contradiction, while the other party notices nothing at all. It’s not official. It’s not recorded in any protocol. It’s not measurable in KPIs. But it exists; and it has impact.
Subjective conflicts are like underground currents: invisible, yet powerful. They drain energy. They undermine trust. They leave traces especially in the body. The body reacts before the mind speaks. Heart racing. Stomach cramps. Sleepless nights. Tension. All stress symptoms and at the same time, messages. Ignoring them comes at a cost: burnout, quiet quitting, turnover.
Leaders see what they can measure: numbers, deadlines, results. They rarely see the invisible: fear, insecurity, overwhelm. They hear what is said, not what the body has already screamed. This is where the risk lies. Subjective conflicts are hidden costs. They slow decisions, block creativity, and destroy trust; quietly, but effectively.
Organizations talk about strategy, processes, tools. They optimize workflows, implement new systems, coach leaders. But they leave too little space for the emotional reactions these processes trigger. Feelings are considered private, not management issues. Until the body rebels, and suddenly everything becomes an issue. “That wasn’t even a conflict,” people say. But it was. It just wasn’t visible. Heart racing is no accident. It’s the echo of a problem no one is addressing. Quiet quitting doesn’t start in the mind, it starts in the nervous system. And when the body rebels, it’s high time to pay attention.
So what can be done? Don’t wait until someone gets sick. Don’t wait until quiet tension turns into open conflict. Don’t wait until good people leave. Start now; listen, not just to words, but to pauses, facial expressions, body language. Regularly checking in on how people feel before everything explodes prevents conflicts from taking root in the body.
It helps to treat emotions as valid, not as weakness: yes, concerns, doubts, and criticism are allowed. Clearly communicating this builds trust. And trust doesn’t grow in one-off feedback sessions; it grows through continuity, reliability, and genuine interest.
Stress signals are not a private sidebar. Racing heart, headaches, sudden fatigue, they are signs of tension. Taking them seriously and gently asking about them shows care and prevents escalation.
Finally: conflict competence is not a luxury. It is a leadership responsibility. Leaders who learn to recognize and address even subtle tensions gain loyalty and performance. They prevent internal pressure from turning into physical harm, and unspoken rejection from turning into open departure.
Conflicts felt by only one person are still real. The longer they go unspoken, the bigger they grow. Taking them seriously protects not only relationships but also performance, culture, and health. And it ensures that the body isn’t the last to speak up.